My father is very ill. He is also old. And he lives two+ hours from me, my husband, my elderly and needy dog, and my self-sufficient but lovely teenaged children. And my more than full-time job. In other words, I’m on the modern woman’s version of the medieval torture device known as the rack. It looks likely to continue into the next year at least.
I would like to visit dear old dad about once a week, do his errands, etc. He is not making any demands nor does he make me feel guilty if I don’t. My husband, for a variety of reasons (some of which I get and others I find unreasonable), resents my time away from him and our nuclear family. At times he seems to want to make it more difficult for me to see my father.
This conflict comes to a head this weekend. I haven’t seen my father in two weeks, but my husband and I have plans to see a concert with another couple. I offered to get a friend take my place that night, but my husband rejected that. He says, figure out a way to go to the concert (i.e. skip visiting father) or cancel the event, as he doesn’t want to go solo or with another friend in my spot. I think that is ridiculous. To whom is my primary obligation?
— Torn
