ROME – Anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship will probably identify with the old and by now cliché adage, “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it” at the end of some form of disagreement.

Much the same sentiment can be applied to public figures trying to convey a message and make it stick – oftentimes, it’s not so much the content of a message that determines how an intended audience receives it, but how that message is packaged and delivered.

When it comes to the papacy, there is perhaps no larger platform for getting a message out – if a pope wants to say something, he’s got an audience of 1.4 billion Catholics globally, plus the attention of much of civil society and political echelons tuning in.

Yet in the same way, how a particular pope chooses to deliver a particular point or idea can make a big difference in terms of how it is received by his flock, and whether they take it to heart or choose to put it into practice.

Watching the first nine months of Leo’s papacy unfold, tone has been an important factor, and one of the most noticeable differences from his predecessor, though much of his broader agenda remains the same.

Whereas Pope Francis was a firebrand and a lightning rod – bold and direct, unafraid of saying what he felt needed to be said or even refraining from words in a silence that at times spoke louder than any rhetoric – Leo has a much softer and cautious, measured and prudent style.

In that sense, it’s worth remembering what Cardinal Robert McElroy of Washington said about the brand-new pope the day after his election, talking to journalists during a May 9 press conference at the Pontifical North American College in Rome with the American voting-age cardinals who had participated in the conclave.

On that occasion, McElroy said that in the days ahead of the conclave, during the general congregation meetings, they had all heard Prevost speak, but what stuck out more than his words was his personality.

“I think what was important was not the substance of what he said, but the manner with which he said it, and that’s key when we’re looking at this question: What is the manner that the man is going to bring to this office?” McElroy said.

As they walked into the Sistine Chapel, the image of Michaelangelo’s Last Judgement towering in front of them, “All sense of those divisions within the world fell away,” he said. “I felt we were looking at that moment into the souls of one another to find who should carry on this incredibly important mission at this moment in time.”

“I really think in the discernment and in the prayer that went on, we were looking for the soul who has the capacity at this moment to be a really beautiful witness to Christ,” he said.

At least according to McElroy’s account, and from conversations shared during the general congregations, what the cardinals were looking for – despite some dissent – was someone who would carry forward Pope Francis’s broader agenda but who would do so in a different “manner” and style, one they hoped could bring understanding and unity in a time of polarization and division.

In the 2013 conclave, the cardinals were looking for a reformer, a visionary of sorts who could shake up the system and start to clean up what Benedict XVI had called la sporcizia, the filth, in the church, making its structures more efficient and bringing the church closer to the people.

Then-Jorge Mario Bergoglio delivered, with his speech in the general congregations – outlining his vision for a missionary church not stuck in on itself, but outgoing, less clerical and more attentive to the poor – resonating deeply.

On that occasion, what he said resonated more than how he said it.

In 2025, the calculus was that in a hyper-polarized society, with tensions rising both inside the church and in geopolitics, what was needed was to follow the same general vision, but in a different manner, with a personality who could calm tensions, and be a glue, of sorts, that holds the fracturing parts of the world and the church together.

In that sense, Pope Leo has also delivered.

He has made it clear repeatedly, though his documents, statements, homilies, and even his first consistory, that he has no intention of rolling back Francis’s agenda of synodality, his social commitment, attention to the poor, and efforts to bring peace.

Leo so far has not said anything drastically different than Francis, and in some cases, he’s even gone a step further.

Francis’s document Evangelii Gaudium and synodality were major discussion points during his first consistory of cardinals, held las month, and he also used holiday liturgies to advocate for peace and appeal on behalf of migrants, refugees and the displaced, giving his Christmas homily a political edge that even Francis refrained from during liturgical events by speaking of those living in tents in Gaza.

Generally, Francis kept liturgical events free from specific and pointed political references, using subtle and veiled language to allude to the political scenario du jour instead.

Pope Leo has called out US immigration policies clearly and directly, and condemned the US’s military actions in Venezuela, but in a soft and measured manner, making it clear that he is not picking a fight, but is rather ready to listen and engage in meaningful dialogue.

Leaving the question of approval or disapproval aside, each pope has their own style, appreciated by some and not by others. Striking the desired tone in a papacy, then, is not necessarily a question right or wrong, good or bad, but what is needed at a given time.

Pope Francis’s boldness, impulsivity, and at times his impression of finger wagging perhaps moved the needle on some things, but the great hope is that Leo with his meek and discreet, humble and gentle, yet also firm, clear, and decisive manner will do the same thing in an equally if not more effective, albeit quieter, way.

Just how much success he’ll have remains to be seen, but at almost a year on the job, he’s becoming more settled and confident in his role, and his manner of doing things will continue to shape ecclesial and even certain public civil discourse as his papacy continues to gain steam.

Follow Elise Ann Allen on X: @eliseannallen